Tradies are a law unto themselves. They turn up whenever and then usually disappear a short time later because you require an x-cog and they only have a y-cog on them. Then they are gone for the rest of the day leaving you wonder if you will ever see that y-cog at all.
Their self-appointed arrival, departure and work times is a seamless arrogance that is tolerated because they have the expertise to return life from unbearable back to bearable. So like the vast majority of people who endured their “She’ll be right luv.” I usually ignored the erratic times, dirty work boots and bold requests for a cup of tea. However, this had to be stopped when they decided to encroach from my neighbour’s job to my front verandah. A tradie on your property is something you endure for the sake of the job, one confiscating your verandah for personal use is something else.
I was working in my office when a dull bark from Scharnelle let me know that all was not well in the living room and I came in expecting to find Jojo had stolen her teddy bear. Instead, to my surprise I notice there were strange heads bobbing about my verandah. Unlike my neighbour next door, my verandah is a large space that resonates emptiness, so I put an ornamental chair set to fill the area. It was one of those uncomfortable wrought iron affairs that no one in their right mind would sit on. Yet, two burly tradies were doing just that and eating their lunch to boot!
In the scheme of things two tradesmen eating their lunch on my front porch is not that important, but the fact they had another verandah to sit on–albeit minus a chair set–and several large trucks to sit in, I felt they did not require the services of my front yard–at least not without even an ask. So I decided to let them meet 60 kilos of French Mastiff and see if they wanted to stay.
I grabbed her by her collar as this would give the impression I was willing to let her go and opened the front door. Two very startled faces turned to watch me struggle with a huge mastiff as she tried to bolt towards them. Now, there are certain things about Scharnelle they had no hope of knowing. The first being that if I am there she will never attack–in fact she was straining to make friends. She had her paw stretched out in what looked like the beginning of a leap, which was in reality her asking for a scratch from her new friends. Then she decided to smile at them, this involved her showing her bottom teeth in a fearsome snarl that I called smiling as she did it whenever she wanted the crust of your toast.
The disturbed gentlemen quickly packed up their greasy lunch and retreated to their trucks with copious apologies. Scharnelle was disappointed she got no love and I was mildly satisfied by my faux threat to their discourtesy. Mind you, if this had been the back yard and they were alone with her–well that’s another story.